Five Things Men Need To Get Right To Achieve Masculine Mental Health

June is a month dedicated to masculine mental health awareness. This feels good, especially as we see the deliberate efforts society is putting in to appreciate and reach out to men.

Men also need to be comforted and reached out to. Men also need people to say that masculine mental health matters. To a great extent, men remain at the top echelons of power both economically and socially; thus, anything that primarily affects them will eventually disturb the whole society.

However, as we look at this whole issue, we need to know that this entire campaign towards masculine mental health is a complex issue. It cannot be achieved corporately but individually. The big question today is all about what affects men’s mental health. If we can find the source, we can find the right solution.

Here are five things men need to get right to achieve masculine mental health:

Work & Employment

A man is only useful to himself as well as the people around him to the extent that he can provide solutions to economic problems.

There is a saying among the Luo people which says, ‘Ng’at ma dichuo ichamo nyaka thoo,’  loosely translated to mean that “a man is eaten till his death.” And it means that a man is expected to provide till his death.

Provision is not expected of men, but men also find great satisfaction in turning economic wheels and making the lives around them comfortable. 

Healthy Male lists employment problems as one of the major concerns around men’s mental health. The reality in many societies, especially in the global south, is rising unemployment.

Without employment, most men who have not explored other means to address their financial needs are left in chaotic situations.

Are you struggling with unemployment? Read The Cleaver’s two cents on employment:

1. Swimming Out Of The Pool Of Unemployment
2. Skilled But Unemployable; Where Is The Problem?
3. Three Things That Will Make You Employable Anywhere
4. Networking 101

Love Relationships

Men also love being in love.

When it comes to matters of love, society and most cultures expect men to do the chasing. The male brain is hardwired to pursue and win love. When men achieve an exclusive right to be in charge of the emotional well-being of a damsel of their dreams, men consider that a great achievement, and indeed it is.

When a man gets it right in this area, his chances of stability and success in other vital areas increase greatly.

However, most men mess up in the areas of love and relationships.

A man who marries wrong will suffer long.

Tweet

Love is supposed to be a support system; an enabler, not a stressor. Toxic relationships leave men less and less useful in their craft. All men should consider shielding themselves with the Three Irreducible Minimums In A Relationship.

Toxic Masculinity

Society is not well-balanced without masculine energy. But society needs masculine men, and this must be gotten right.

There is a lot of nonesenseness and rowdiness being sown broadcast in the name of male empowerment that benefits no one. Men are not superhumans; they feel pain, too, and need support.

Manly men shed tears, even Jesus Christ wept. Manly men are a source of protection, not terror.

Manly men do not consider themselves better than women, but they know they are different from women in ways that benefit their mutual coexistence. 

Tweet

For men struggling to achieve positive masculinity, I want to recommend Stephen Mansfield’s ‘Mansfield’s Book of Manly Men.’ And because you have time, you can chew The Cleaver’s two cents on Masculinity:

1. We All Need Men
2. Men, An Irrelevant Species?
3. Reclaiming Manhood: Reflections And Solutions For A Dignified Future
4. Take Time To Fear Men And Its Consequences

“Masculinity is not something given to you, but something you gain. And you gain it by winning small battles with honour.”

—Norman Mailer, Cannibals and Christians (1966)

Parenting

A disturbing reality of masculine mortality hits every society. In most societies, men die earlier than women. There could be many causes of this, but one major one is neglect and depression in old age. Most men are shouldering the economic burden of families but end up neglecting their emotional connections with their children. 

Women are sometimes guilty of exacerbating this by using dads as a boogieman to scare children into obedience.

Statements such as “When dad comes you will explain to him” can lead children to harbor negative views of their fathers. The dangers of such disconnects hit hard when children have attained majority age. Fathers are oftentimes neglected and ignored.

Nothing is distressful to man when he is served with that ‘what will you do’ attitude. Men must learn to maintain healthy connections with their children if they want to avoid being depressed by chaotic behaviours later in life. Find some meaning in the article ‘A Note To All Fathers Who Pay School Fees For Their Children.’

’

Connections in High Places

Finally, men need connections in high places.

I know you are thinking about networking and connecting with people of influence and opulence. That is okay, but not sufficient. You can understand and appreciate this if you have found yourself between the devil and the deep blue sea, or when you have been down to your last dime.

In short, men also find themselves in situations when they do not know what to do. Men need invincible power that they can go to when things are falling apart.

Understanding the gravity of this matter, you realise that it requires more than human effort and capabilities. This is where matters of faith come into perspective.

If it is true that God is omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent, then all men who want to remain afloat must take some reasonable reflections about God. The reality is that most places of worship are filled with women and children as men pursue mirth and the transient pleasures of life.

Nevertheless, the men who can make God’s bosom their pillow in times of crisis will deal with mental health issues better than freelancers. As the hymn writer Aaron Williams put it:

O may Thy Spirit guide my feet
In ways of righteousness;
Make every path of duty straight
And plain before my face

The men that love and fear Thy name
Shall see their hopes fulfilled;
The mighty God will compass them
With favor as a shield

A man who has the backing of the divine is a ‘dangerous’ man. You don’t want to come in his way. God will dry Jordan and the Red Sea to clear his path. God will make streams of cooling waters flow in the desert for such a man. God will turn curses into blessings for such a man.

Don’t you want to be such a man?

As you meditate on this, I throw another gem your way: Do We Really Need The Church?

Conclusion

Masculine mental health is good for society’s well-being. A society where men are safe and cared for tends to be more progressive. To deal with men’s mental health issues, we must take time to address the causes of these issues. To this extent, men must get a few things right if this fight is ever to be achieved.