The Power of Loving the Unlovable

 

It is easy to love lovable people around us. The nice and responsible ones. It is easy to show endearment to those who are sweet and caring.

We long to show kindness to friends who have supported us. They have been there for us through thick and thin.

We are fully motivated to support those who invested in our education. Similarly, we care for those who invested in our business until we succeeded.

It is easy to spend late nights talking to the new hotcake. We want to harvest their emotional deposits.

We can comfortably travel upcountry to condole with that nice colleague at work, who has always made us feel appreciated.

But how do you love a boring and exacting boss? The one who seems deliberate on making us have a nightmare at work?

How do you love an abusive husband who by continuous and egregious infidelity, has brought STIs to your matrimonial bed? How do you love a father who drinks himself to death, gives no support and is abusive at home?

Are there Reasons to love the Unlovable? Why should we love the Unlovable?

We’ll cover:

1. The Unlovable is Us!
2. Two Wrongs Do Not Make a Right.
3. Love is The End of all Conflicts
4. Love is Strong Argument in Favour of the Gospel
5. Conclusion

The Unlovable is Us!

Oftentimes, when we hear the word unlovable, we scan around trying to find the culprit. We are quick to extend an olive branch to ourselves and extend the blame to the neighbour’s field.

The unpopular truth is that the unlovable is us! We can’t excuse ourselves, and hold everyone else responsible. We have things about us that spoil other people’s experiences. At our best—when no one can afford to point fingers at us—God still find something He can straighten in us.

The Bible makes it clear and final:

"For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:7-8, NKJV)

This is not mere mind game and trying to make things more palatable. It is the truth. The hard truth we must all appreciate.

Think about the condensation it caused Christ to secure our Salvation. He left the splendour of heaven and pitched His tent among us. He lived a simple life of self-denial and matched all the way to Calvary to secure our freedom. And the sacrifice is not merely true because His life earned Him the title Man of Sorrows. If Christ were to live in the palace of King Solomon, that would be still a great sacrifice.

The story of Bethlehem is an exhaustless theme. In it is hidden “the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God.” Romans 11:33. We marvel at the Saviour’s sacrifice in exchanging the throne of heaven for the manger, and the companionship of adoring angels for the beasts of the stall. Human pride and self-sufficiency stand rebuked in His presence. Yet this was but the beginning of His wonderful condescension. It would have been an almost infinite humiliation for the Son of God to take man’s nature, even when Adam stood in his innocence in Eden. But Jesus accepted humanity when the race had been weakened by four thousand years of sin. Like every child of Adam He accepted the results of the working of the great law of heredity. What these results were is shown in the history of His earthly ancestors. He came with such a heredity to share our sorrows and temptations, and to give us the example of a sinless life

White, E. G. (1898). The Desire of Ages (Vol. 3). P. 48

If God did that for us, then God must love us.

Love is not preference or respect. We never earned that from God. He loved us in our arrogant pride and rebellion. He risked rejection and disappointment. In faith, he sowed broadcast. He prepared the way to peace and safety for us. This path awaits when we come to our senses in the pig pen. We can always come home.

The first reason to love the unlovable is because you are loved by God despite all He knows about you. In fact, most of us struggle to believe God when He says He loves us. We struggle because we know we aren’t lovable.

Two Wrongs Do Not Make a Right.

The Englishmen said, “Tit for tat is a fair game.” The Swahilis backed them up by saying, “Dawa ya moto ni moto.” This loosely translates to “the antidote to fire burn is fire.” Let’s carry out an experiment and see if this is true.

Experiment:

Apparatus: Bunsen burner, You, booklet and a pen.

PROCEDURE:

i. Using your lighter, put on the bunsen burner

ii.  Place your index finger gently on the flame and wait for 30 seconds.

iii. Remove your finger and state the inference on the booklet.

iv. Repeat the experiment using the same finger and record your inference on the booklet.

What is your conclusion?

If you are honest enough, and followed the procedure carefully, you should be in the hospital now. 

Two wrongs do not make a right.

The burning coals of hatred from the unlovable, can’t be counteracted by showing them how rough we can be.

We can’t solve pain by causing pain in return. You don’t win an abusive spouse by abusing them. When you abuse a hooligan, you don’t qualify to be a rehabilitator.

Love for the Unlovable is like water to a dry, weary land. It will work a miracle in subduing every unholy attribute and unchristlike tendency. 

Of course, it may take long. It may never even win them. However, your good heart will always be an eternal argument in favour of love under fire. This is the self-sacrificing love.

The old African wisdom summarizes it well:

If a donkey kicks you and kick the donkey in retaliation, you are all donkeys!

African Proverb.

Love is The End of all Conflicts

The League of Nations made several recommendations at the end of World War I. Their goal was to prevent the possibility of another World War.

Specifically, they advised ‘Strict adherence to the policy of disarmament’. Adolf Hitler defied this and began equipping his arsenal, thus leading the Nazi regime to bring about World War II.

You don’t end a conflict by preparing for the next. By warming up for the next conflict, you create a mood for antagonism.

Loving the unlovable crushes them and makes them repentant. It may not be at once, but in the sweet by and by, they will break down.

Don’t you realize, the goodness of the Lord leads us to repentance! Carnal nature does not repent and is always too proud to say sorry. 

Love is Strong Argument in Favour of the Gospel

People will doubt your theology and mock your religion, but they can neither quibble nor murmur at your changed life.

A loving and lovable Christian is an unanswerable argument in favour of the gospel.

You could be a great debater who is always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you (1 Peter 3:15). But people care less how much you know until they know how much you care.

After doing His work, Christ had one prayer for His disciples:

“That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us: that the world may believe that thou hast sent me” (John 17:21, KJV) 

As He was making such a prayer, Peter had a sword ready. He was prepared to strike at anyone who meddles with their master. The sons of thunder were still scampering for the top position in Christ’s temporal Kingdom. Judas was planning how to betray Him to the High Priest.

A bandwagon of divided disciples. As they were they were going to highly misrepresent the loving saviour. The saviour was, is, and will always be, the friend of sinners.

Love is the only argument that will convince everyone that we are interested in their good. 

“It is easy for the natural heart to love a few favorites, and to be partial to these special few; but Christ bids us love one another as he has loved us.”

—Ellen Gould Harmon.

Conclusion

Loving the unlovable—those who treat us bad and fills our lives with bad memories—is high calling. It is almost impossible in the vengeful human heart.

Handling the bad actors generically makes us think about prison. It also brings to mind courts and other conflict resolution techniques.

Unfortunately, we find ourselves in such situations in circumstances that are not necessarily criminal or worthy of conflict resolution. For instance, can’t launch a case against people who hate you.

When they step on your toes, they are trying to create a conflict. When you wipe your toes, and move one, they will think and feel bad till they apologize.

Darkness is never won with deeper darkness. Shade some light, try a little kindness, it will make a huge difference.