Embrace Unconventionality

“People will always try to stop you from doing the right thing if it is unconventional.” Warren Buffet

Growing up in the mid-2000s, I recall hearing the story of a young man whose desire was to go to med school and follow his dream of serving as a doctor. However, his father’s wish was that his son become a lawyer.

Facing the risk of parental disapproval and the threat of losing out on financial support, his only option was to grudgingly go to law school. After graduation, he came back home, presented the certificate to his dad and coldly said, “Here’s what you asked me to do. Now let me go back to school and pursue my passion.”

The message was starkly clear from childhood: “At all costs, make your parents proud.”

Yet, I believe this loaded statement deserves some keen introspection and concerted qualification. For starters, the role of a parent in a child’s life is indescribably priceless. Talk of sleepless nights and the emotional rollercoaster particularly experienced when an infant falls sick: the unending fever, the frail cough, the pale look. Just the mere thought of losing the child is enough to bring even the most stoic parents to their knees. What about the patience exhibited when handling the daily stubbornness of a child who has to be forced out of bed, prepared for school while needlessly crying and later on dragged to catch the school bus? Add the countless moments they will bail you out of whatever kind of trouble not forgetting the innumerable resources they selflessly expend just to make sure you have a good life, at least according to their ability.

A parent is a child’s first hero:

perfect in knowledge, strength and ability. Is it a wonder therefore when this same care and concern is demonstrated even after one is all grown up? No. After all, parenting is a full-time lifelong role and as long as life holds, you’ll always be their ‘baby’. I have no doubt that virtually every parent wants their child to succeed in every possible way. But here’s the problem: their version of how success looks like and the journey getting there might grossly differ from how a young person in the 21st century would perceive it. And that folks is the genesis of the problem which is capable of alienating even the dearest kith and kin.

To be fair, each party is right in their own capacity as long as they can make a case to support their point of view. Yet, the truth is, ‘success’ might have been assured when someone pursued certain university courses back in the 70s and 80s but today, nothing is guaranteed anymore, not even the right to life; The call to marry from your own community was sound advice in times past when cultural integration was limited but probably not anymore particularly when emerging generations now identify as tribe-less; The concept of demanding accountability from the government and public institutions was akin to signing one’s death warrant during our parents’ generation hence their justifiable fearfulness when you choose to indulge a career in social activism and dare speak truth to power.

Our parents, many of whom are boomers and Gen X-ers, ought to rightly appreciate that times have radically changed.

Granted, changing times do not lessen the efficacy of parental authority. Yes, their advice and guidance are borne out of a cocktail of varied life experiences which is important. Yet, here’s the other side of the coin: parents should make peace with the fact that young adults have a mind of their own and deserve the freedom to make different choices and follow unique paths in life. When their advice is chided, it is neither tantamount to disrespect nor indicative of outright defiance and blatant disregard of parental direction. Rather, it is demonstrative that the young people have rightly chosen to be unbounded, unshackled and unconventional.

So, here’s the conclusion of the matter. Is there any problem striving to make your parents proud? Absolutely not! Your old folks deserve the untold fulfilment derived from discussing their children’s successes with peers. Hence, as far as it depends on you, give ’em a chance to walk with their heads on high. However, my take is that the statement, “At all costs, make your parents proud,” needs to be qualified as follows: “At all costs, make your parents proud. Nevertheless, when all is said and done, ensure that you are emotionally fulfilled, psychologically at peace and relationally at ease.” 

A young person out there who is conflicted given parental preferences and societal dictates, here’s your affirmation today: It’s okay to follow unconventional paths in life. And yes, because of this, there’ll be countless times you will differ with your old folks. But that’s no reason to become estranged from one another. Equally, let each current and future parent always remember that the overarching objective of parenting is not to literally replicate a mold of themselves in an offspring. Instead, it is to churn into the world confident, assertive and self-conscious young adults who are capable of making responsible decisions and ordering meaningful lives.

Cheers, good people!!