Speak truth to power

“To be passive is to let others decide for you. To be aggressive is to decide for others. To be assertive is to decide for yourself.” – Edith Eva Eger

A couple of weeks back while strolling with my baby sister, with a voice marked with unresolved hurt and a face evident of grave disappointment, she mentioned something that has remained with me. Apparently, one of the teachers in school had unceremoniously dismissed her from the drama club. I remember inquiring, “Did you ask why she did it?” Your guess is as good as mine: No, because she’s afraid of asking such questions to ‘big people’.

From a young age, it is rightly drummed in us the necessity of respecting those older than us. Yet, inaudibly and subtly, kids also pick up the nuances such as adults are infallible, can’t lie, and ought not to be questioned. In consequence, children are somewhat disempowered as the important trait of assertiveness isn’t inculcated and honed. As a result, we morph into adults who have to bear with a lot of ‘bad manners’ from people but can’t speak out lest you offend them. Is it a wonder therefore when a huge chunk of the populace is characterized with anger issues whose genesis is simply a cocktail of unaddressed hurts from times past?

We’ve been ‘taught’ to maintain the status quo – to question little, to deify members of top echelons, seeking to appease them at all times. As Sunny Bindra described in a priceless 2022 article, “The boss complex is everywhere: in governments, corporations, startups. The boss has god-like powers; everyone else is neutered. If the boss decides on some inconvenient dates, you clear your diary. If the boss makes a crazy decision, you grin your approval through gritted teeth. And when one the pliant followers manage to become leaders themselves, they, too, become chest-thumping caricatures who brook no dissent.”

If you are keen enough, the bold and assertive are not always celebrated. Some are called out for disrespecting their ‘elders’ whenever they point out glaring shortcomings that only the indoctrinated would cast a blind eye on. Others are suspended, fired, or ostracized for flimsy reasons. Speaking truth to power is risky and unrewarding, no wonder in corporate spaces and public forums, political correctness is usually the unspoken rule even if your senior misstates the facts, fails to take responsibility, and blames you for their own mistakes.

For clarity, assertiveness is not synonymous with disrespect – that snooty demeanor that pretends to know it all, believing it can’t fumble. Rather, assertiveness embodies humility while seeking clarity. The assertive are mindful and respectful – the overarching intent being not to shame and blame but to correct and perfect systems and processes. What’s most important is that the assertive are driven by innate principles and values, unmindful of whether they are numbered among the majority or not.

The clarion call today is simple yet profound. We need to normalize having conversations like adults should in all spaces. We need to discard any superiority complex and intentionally create safe environments where no one is afraid to share their thoughts irrespective of their position whether in schools, corporations, or other institutions. I am persuaded that modeling assertiveness and projecting it in all our interactions might be the catalyst to a paradigm shift this world is in dire need of – authentic, bold, and truthful men & women.

Cheers, good people!!