Everyone needs to experience the new feeling of love, or what we casually call ‘falling in love.’
At first, it’s thrilling—the butterflies, the chemistry, the intense feeling that this person could be “the one.” But what if that rush isn’t real love? What if it’s just infatuation, a temporary emotional high that fades as quickly as it came?
Infatuation makes everything feel urgent and exciting, but it often lacks the depth and stability that true love requires. When we confuse the two, we risk entering relationships built on emotion instead of a foundation. The Bible reminds us that “love is patient, love is kind” (1 Corinthians 13:4), but infatuation? Not so much.
In this article, you’ll learn how to distinguish between fleeting obsession and authentic love by exploring these 7 clear signs:
- Your Emotions Are Clouding Your Judgment
- What the Bible Says About Love Versus Lust
- You’re Ignoring the Warning Signs of Superficial Affection
- Patience and Purpose Are Missing
- Spiritual Maturity Is Lacking
- There’s No Pathway for Long-Term Planning
- You’re Lacking Peace and Emotional Safety
Let’s dive into each sign and uncover how to break free from illusions and move toward relationships grounded in trust, shared values, and lasting commitment.
Your Emotions Are Clouding Your Judgment
When you’re caught in the whirlwind of infatuation, it’s easy to mistake heightened dopamine and oxytocin levels for destiny. You may start making life-altering decisions without real clarity, ignoring red flags, overlooking differences in values, or rushing into attachment before trust is built.
Ask yourself:
- Are you ignoring wise counsel from trusted mentors or a licensed counsellor?
- Does being with this person compromise your relationship with God or your sense of self?
True love, on the other hand, gives space for respect, prayerful reflection, and thoughtful decision-making. It’s rooted in wisdom, not impulse.
The Bible gives a sobering warning:
“Also it is not good for a soul to be without knowledge, and he sins who hastens with his feet” (Proverbs 19:2, NKJV).
Next up, let’s see what Scripture teaches about real love, and how it compares to the shallow promises of infatuation.
What the Bible Says About Love Versus Lust
Infatuation versus love can be hard to distinguish, especially when physical attraction is intense. But true love isn’t just a feeling. It’s a choice and a commitment.
The Bible gives us a roadmap in 1 Corinthians 13, where love accepts challenges, shows grace in conflict, and grows over time.
Infatuation is often about idealisation—seeing someone not as they truly are, but as who you want them to be. This fantasy breaks down quickly when reality sets in.
Biblical love:
- Seeks compatibility over perfection
- Prioritises trust and support
- Walks through trials with conflict resolution, not avoidance
If the relationship skips spiritual connection and only feeds desire, it’s likely infatuation, not love. The next sign confirms this further.
You’re Ignoring the Warning Signs of Superficial Affection
Ever felt like you’re walking on eggshells just to keep the peace? Or maybe you’ve brushed off possessiveness, jealousy, or unhealthy habits because you’re afraid of being alone.
These are red flags, and when ignored, they signal that the relationship is based on a fragile emotional high rather than mutual growth.
Infatuation turns toxic when it becomes about control, image, or a craving for validation. Some even fall into patterns of love addiction, confusing pain with passion and anxiety with affection.
Ask:
- Are your needs and boundaries respected?
- Can you be vulnerable without fear of judgment?
When friendship, communication, and emotional honesty are missing, the connection is likely surface-level.
Let’s move into the next crucial trait of real love, patience and purpose.
Patience and Purpose Are Missing
One of the most evident differences between infatuation and true love is timing.
Infatuation makes everything feel rushed—you barely know each other, yet you’re dreaming of wedding dates and baby names. It thrives on emotional highs and instant gratification.
But true love waits. It doesn’t push you to make premature promises or manipulate your pace. As Romans 12:12 says, “rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer” (NKJV).
In love:
- There’s time for future planning, not just fantasising
- There’s patience to understand each other’s pasts
- There’s a commitment to grow together at a God-honouring pace
Without this patience, your emotions may lead you into a cycle of disappointment and relationship anxiety.
This leads to the next point, spiritual maturity.
Spiritual Maturity Is Lacking
Infatuation often operates on a shallow level. It doesn’t ask:
Are we equally yoked?
Do we share the same faith, vision, and values?
True love values shared spiritual growth. It seeks God together, prays over decisions, and places Christ at the centre of the relationship. You build each other up instead of dragging each other down.
Key markers of spiritual maturity in love:
- You can talk about tough topics with humility and grace
- You’re not afraid to seek biblical counsel or wait on God
- You prioritise emotional safety, not just emotional intensity
If those conversations are missing or met with discomfort, it’s a sign the relationship lacks a spiritual foundation.
Next, let’s explore how accurate love plans for the future, not just the next date.
There’s No Pathway for Long-Term Planning
A relationship driven by infatuation rarely involves real-world planning. Conversations stay stuck in the now, avoiding topics like finances, compatibility, marriage, or purpose.
But when you’re in true love, you’re not afraid to ask:
- Where is this going?
- Do our goals and callings align?
- How will we support each other long-term?
Planning for the future isn’t unromantic. It’s responsible. As Amos 3:3 asks, “Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?” (NKJV).
When someone avoids serious discussions about your future, it may be a sign that their intentions are temporary. True love isn’t afraid of scrutiny.
Let’s close with one of the most vital signs, emotional peace.
You’re Lacking Peace and Emotional Safety
Love brings peace. Infatuation often brings chaos.
If you feel constantly anxious, on edge, or uncertain about where you stand, that’s a problem. Trust, respect, and emotional safety are the foundation of true love—not fear of abandonment or constant doubt.
Infatuation feeds on serotonin spikes and addictive highs, but it often crashes just as fast. True love stabilises over time; it doesn’t burn out; it grows deeper.
As Philippians 4:7 says, “and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus” (NKJV).
If your relationship brings confusion more than clarity, ask yourself, Is this peace, or is this pressure?
Real Love Is More Than a Feeling
Infatuation is easy. Love takes work. But it’s the kind of work that transforms us to be more like Christ—selfless, patient, and committed.
If you’ve seen yourself in any of these 7 signs, don’t be discouraged. This is a chance to reset your perspective, heal your heart, and seek a relationship that mirrors God’s love.
Still wondering if it’s real love, or just an emotional high?
The good news is, you don’t have to figure it all out on your own. The Bible offers timeless wisdom, and we’ve gathered it all in one place for you.
Explore more insights in the Relationships Section of The Cleaver—where we answer your biggest questions about love, dating, marriage, and emotional boundaries from a biblical perspective.
Start with these eye-opening reads:
- The Unwritten Laws of Lasting Love: Discover the principles that make love not just survive, but thrive.
- Go for Beauty; Don’t Let Them Lie to You!: Unmask cultural lies about attraction and learn what God says truly matters.
- Threefold Questions People in Love Should Ask Themselves: These soul-searching questions may be the key to a healthier, more Christ-centred relationship.
Infatuation masquerades as love until it is time to sacrifice. Know it and avoid it.
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