A Forgotten Superpower?

“We can disagree and still love each other unless your disagreement is rooted in my oppression and denial of my humanity and right to exist.” – James Baldwin

In my early campus days, I was introduced to the concept of fallacies in the critical thinking class. One of them, namely ad hominem, particularly intrigued me. It’s simply defined as attacking the person instead of addressing their point of view.

We witness it in action daily in the corporate boardroom, social media walls, and campaign trails. Or isn’t it common practice for humans to resort towards criticizing someone’s character or behaviour and exposing ‘dirty linen in public’, especially when their thoughts and opinions aren’t lauded as expected? This is usually the final straw to save one’s face in public but in truth, it makes you look like a clown or if not a fool.

I opine that this rampant attitude finds its genesis in the fundamental fact that human beings are naturally self-seeking and self-serving. No wonder our ego is pricked and our pride wounded when others can’t seem to appreciate us like we presume we should. Moreover. Our incapacity to esteem others stems from the delusion of our supposed importance pegged on the premise of the shaky knowledge we’ve accumulated, the fickle wealth we’ve amassed, or the transient power that has been conferred.

I know we’ve all ‘attacked the messenger instead of the message’ at a certain point in our lives, yet pulling such a card is indicative of emotional intelligence bankruptcy – an inability to understand your emotions and those of others. It points to self-esteem inadequacy – lacking the capacity to maintain assertiveness, especially when external validation is denied.

In my adult life, I’m learning to make peace with the fact that though we engage with people with whom we don’t share the same point of view, that doesn’t make them less of a human. Our level of humanness ought not to fluctuate based on other people’s behaviours. Instead, we treat others humanely out of principle, whether they subscribe to our school of thought or not. Indeed, as Simon Sinek affirms, “We can still see people as human, even if we disagree with them.”

So next time you are trying to share your religious conviction with someone, but they vehemently reject it, resist the urge to view them as a lesser devil. When your Gen Alpha child respectfully questions your beliefs on sundry matters, for heaven’s sake, don’t pull the ‘you don’t know how long I’ve lived’ card. It’s not an age contest! When a junior at the boardroom professionally casts doubt in your business model, backed up with facts and data, choose to listen objectively without reminding them of the blood, sweat, and tears that have built the company. Reserve that rhetoric for motivational talks!

Until this perspective is embraced, our conversations will markedly feature the vice of speaking at each other instead of the art of speaking to each other; voices buzzing with life-changing ideas will continually remain repressed for fear of reprisals while an overactive nervous system might persistently remain our portion as a society – a recipe for chronic stress, anxiety and depression.

Undoubtedly, Valla Afshar best punctuates this conversation: The ability “to strongly disagree with someone, and yet engage with them with respect, grace, humility and honesty, is a superpower.”

Cheers, good people, to a week and lifetime characterized by grace and tolerance!!